Re-Writing A Death

I like to kill people - on paper.

Honestly, it's the only therapy I have that doesn't make my personal issues worse.

However, sometimes, I end up killing people I like. You see, I had to kill a character I was loving in my WIP, 'The Bones Beneath.' He reminded me of Michael Clarke Duncan. Yes, the big, adorable actor who played 'John Coffey, like the drink, but not spelled the same' (King, S. 2000). Michael Clarke Duncan died right after I had started adding James into the story, right after I realized who he reminded me of. So, I started giving him lines I thought MCD would sound nice saying. I fell even more in love with him because MCD was one of my favorite actors.

Then, I knew James was going to die. And I stopped writing. I couldn't face it. But, I knew I had to or I wasn't going to finish the novel and I HAVE to finish the novel, you see, it's the best thing I've written, ever.

So, I killed him.

Then, after I had gotten past it, after I mourned my strong, protective friend who just happened to remind me of such a beautiful and recently lost man, I realized I didn't kill him right. I needed to do it a different way so that I could progress the protagonist where I needed him.

How do you go back and Re-Kill a favorite character?

I had to get sad. I steeled myself up by watching 'Downton Abbey', the third season... oh my goodness! I visited my family's graves. I dug myself deep into depression and sadness about death and I allowed it to overcome me.

Dangerous for a depressive. I know. But, I wanted the scene to feel right. Not maudlin, not simplistic, just right.

I made sure none of my family could interrupt me. They were either at school, work or sleeping when I sat down with my story. It's very hard to get into the mood of killing off a friend when your family is being all cute and loving to you. My son is adorable. Every time he sees me sad, he puts his hand on my shoulder and says, "You can't do this (watch this, work on this, whatever I'm doing at the time) anymore, Mommy, come play with me."

I used paper and a pencil to write. It's more personal for me than typing on the computer. I can get close to the paper, I can get my hands on the words and if I needed to, I can lay down with my paper and pencil, in case I need to curl up and cry.

I made sure to have time to recover afterward. I take a nice, long, quiet, hot shower to recover from sadness. Depression, well, that's a different story. If it's really bad, it takes a while, but in this case, just like after I watched the end of Season Three of 'Downton Abbey,' I just needed a strong-armed hug from my man.

I hope I did James and Mr. Michael Clarke Duncan justice. I know I hurt my main character, but he needed the prodding. He needed the extra pain.

I do not recommend killing people. It's more pain for you than for them.

Reference:
King, S. (2000). The green mile. (1st ed.). New York: Scribner.

WIP Play List

I have a list of things I'm 'working' on.

The list actually grows exponentially whenever I starting thinking of the last bit of "The Bones Beneath," probably so I don't actually finish writing this book!

My internal nerves hate me. They laugh at me and call me names. The tell me I can't do this and I should just go back to retail. A solid, good job that will bring in a solid, good paycheck every two weeks.

However, there's a few characters bouncing around in there smacking the wayward nerves down and screaming to be released from their neurotic prisons.

So, my list... In order of what I'm thinking Today. Does not reflect what I will be thinking tomorrow or next week.

1. Writing, Publishing, Editing (not in that order) a few shorts sitting around... There's a few done and a few stabbing my medulla oblongata.
2. The Bones Beneath... only a few chapters left
3. Brynn, The Lost... I have a good start going and I'm liking what I'm doing here
4. The Broken Apostles - Book I... I stopped working on this story because Pierce was making me nervous. I need to have a free and clear space of time to write this. No little babies, no little kids, should be present because I don't like where I go when I am working with Pierce. Thank God Liam is there to try to keep Pierce in check.
5. Rewriting my YA paranormal romance... yes, I did write one of these, but I was in high school. I still like the story, because it's about finding yourself and whatnot. It was important to me while in high school.

Glad to have a schedule. :) Though it's not a time schedule, but do you know any writers who truly follow a time schedule? I don't.

Wish me luck. I still have a few classes left before I graduate. I'm expecting to do 1 and 2 in the next few months, 3,4, and 5 will be within the next two years.

Where Have You Been?

I'm having a hard time getting my writing in. In between family and school, I really do not have time and this has never happened before.

Before, if I wanted to write, I just went and wrote. I had private space, I had quiet time.

I'm not complaining. I love my large family and I love all the craziness in my life right now. I love that I'm finally finishing school, albeit a completely different degree than that which I started way back when.

I miss having time to write in this blog. I miss having time to write articles for my various 'job' sites. I miss having time to research certain items and I miss the laziness of sitting on the couch typing. Yes, I miss my writing life because it was very calm.

That's what it boils down to - I miss the calm of falling into the page and living another life.

My friends stuck inside my latest work, one of whom just died, are begging me to quit school and go back to work. I have only a little left of their worlds before editing, but I can't get to it right now. I've promised my fans I would, but I can't. School just took a turn for the serious. (Which basically means, I've finally reached classes I don't already know all the answers to, not to brag or sound self-important, but I do read, A LOT, and have learned much in my life.)

My mister told me last night he does not want me and my new passions to take away from my first passion. I promised him it would not, but so far, it has. This is a sad revelation but one I am glad I made.

I will promise myself, just as I did my mister, that I will begin to find that hole in the page again.

I've been lost, but I am following the crumbs back to the edge of the woods.

I just bought this printer, by the way, so that I could print "The Bones Beneath" and edit it. It's quite a nice machine and makes life just a little easier. I know it will pay itself off, because printing a book at the library or a printer is very expensive and there must be more than one edit. :)